Success Connections: Censor Your Critical Comments - This is a really article i stumbled across and i can relate to some of the things in it so much that i just couldn’t resist telling you about one of my many experiences that turned out to be a priceless one.

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Somewhere at the end of 2005, when EU went through a very critical decision of retaining the data of 450 million Europeans for 1 year or more, i reached to a very dear friend of mine and asked him to sign the petition against it - a petition that despite being signed by a huge number of people was still approved.

When my friend, i will call him M. said he can’t sign it and gave me his reasons, i suddenly became very furious and very critical to his job, to his choices.

It’s very easy to shift feelings as i did and disregard what i always believed in and ruled my simple life by: People are entitled to choices and in most cases we are in no position to blame, judge or throw critiques. We don’t have that right.

Back to the request….My request was simple, his answer wasn’t what i wanted, and what happened that day, and after, taught me a very valuable lesson.
Just because that’s what you want it doesn’t mean that you’ll have it or you’re entitled to have it, and if it doesn’t happen you better watch your mouth because whatever you’ll say will decide your path, your friends and your enemies.

On that day, right then and right there M. and I stopped talking because of my heavy and critical words.
I regretted that move for such a long time and didn’t say a thing, torturing myself and apologizing to him but in my head.
One day i broke down and finally sent my apology. He understood or at least i hoped so, but the friendship wasn’t back on track, for another very long time.

You see, breaking people’s trust is a heavy thing and carrying the guilt when you realize what you’ve just done is even heavier.
But being aware of it is just not enough. Getting their trust back is the most difficult of all.

It probably took M. a long time to trust me again and to understand that i was really sorry, though i meant every word i said.
To say that you don’t mean it in situations like this, in fact in many situations, it’s a lie.

I am not a critical person towards other people and from my life experience forcing your ideas or beliefs into others will always fail you and make people run away from you as fast as they can.
You must make people want to do things, want to make the decisions without having the feeling that there’s only one option laying around. No “my way or the highway’ ever works more than once.
It’s all about being aware of the other one’s free will. We all have it and we should exercise it.
In my case, for a moment there i forgot about all that and let my mouth rule.

Back to M. and I….When i realized what i have just done, i swore to never do it again, to anyone…especially to the people who help me grow and understand the beautiful side of life, or help me grow mature, or contribute to my social status.

I really admire the fact that he stood his ground and didn’t try being nice, pet me or lie to me. He just said what he had to say, very clear and straight whether i liked it or not…. and i didn’t like it.

Did i like that he resisted my request? No! But who was i to challenge his ways and who was I to dare to actually be upset on him for having an opinion and a choice?
Who was i to try changing his mind and was my reason important and valid to him as it was to me?

But today, do i still like that he resisted? Yes!
I am so happy and grateful that he did it, because if he didn’t, i would have probably been doing the same to other people. I would have probably made a habit of that which i consider to be very disturbing.

What i do instead is ask people, respect and value their words as they came, and do my best to get along even in the most difficult situations.
Knowing that i can overcome the urge to poke on others, to judge them for having a life or whatever else, makes it all worth it at the end of the day.
It’s the most rewarding thing i can get and i can thank for that a few good and amazing people for having that “hard to find” character and to myself for being able to see things in a human and mature way, seeing the big picture in everything before i catch the details.

M. and I resumed our friendship, a very special and beautiful one, and in the last few months getting this friendship back was the best reward i could get for lots of reasons.

I know you’re reading this, M., and please know that you don’t have to “join my crowds” nor ever change who you are and even agree with me. You don’t ever have to.
Being who you are is more important to me than you being who i want you to be.
From all the things i learned from you [including how to embrace marketing and accept it] this is the most precious one.

Thank you for being a donkey when i behaved like an ape.

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