Embrace the Differences – understand the power of TO LIKE and NOT TO LIKE

On 23 September, 2009 by Carol

Long post ahead….

This article it’s  a bit messy  because I couldn’t manage to put my thoughts in order, so I just started writing, but I am sure you’ll get the point I am trying to make.

Have you ever thought about the things and people you really like and what that means?

Have you ever thought of the impact that this has on the other people that we don’t like?

When we like people, we are likely to do lots of things for them and most often we don’t want anything back. We just do things for them because…well, we like them. We care a lot more about them, approve them and tolerate them.
We will be just fine with their mistakes and we’ll even turn a blind eye when they are unfair to someone else.
I am not talking about love. Love is different and even though is supposed to be unconditional, it isn’t.  Love comes with many conditions and rules.
But when you like someone for example, it seems that it is unconditional.

You can’t tell somebody:” Look, I will like you, but with one condition…”, but you can say: “I don’t like you because of…”

Remember when one of your friends asked you: “Why do you like it/her/him?”
Your answer was probably: “I don’t know. I just like it. No particular reason.”

J. said one day to his loved one:” I love you, but I don’t like you right now.”
He was clearly upset. She didn’t understand at first what he meant but, she did later when she saw that when he liked her, he did a lot more for her.
What does this mean? That liking her meant a lot more than loving her?

Does this also mean that if a husband starts skipping hours from home is because he doesn’t like his wife anymore even though he loves her? Perhaps. Best bet is asking the husband and hope for an honest answer.

You can like someone without loving them but you can’t love someone without liking them. To like someone is more powerful than loving. That’s the conclusion I came to.

I’ll pick up on this: “We will be fine with their mistakes and we’ll even turn a blind eye when they are unfair to someone else.”

Have you ever played the “favorites” game?
If you did, then you were probably pleased with yourself by the reactions you’ve got from the favorite one. Oh yes, and they liked you right back. Awesome!
The good news is that we all did it at least once BUT the bad news is that playing favorites because you like someone is ugly and wrong. Dangerous too.
Politicians do it because they like more how Mister X lobbyist presented his case to him and the cash was good.
Your boss does it and you know it when he invites you over for a dinner or at his vacation house.  And he does that when he doesn’t like you either. He’ll constantly pick on you, bully you and not because you didn’t do a good job, but probably because he doesn’t like the way you look or because you’re not hanging around with the elite.

Some moms do it too.

If your mom loves you but likes more your younger sibling, you feel rejected. Am I wrong?

Favoritism is plain thickness.
This is the society we all contribute to, and unless the aliens will attack us and make us disregard whatever we don’t like about each other and come together to  defend the Earth, well…until then, we’ll play the same game.

So what’s all this about? You might ask yourself what made me rant about this and I have the answer ready. Just thoughts….
One day, I realized I was in need of evaluating my friends, my things and my feelings. I realized at the same time that I am missing out a lot because I just let some things happen and others are just slipping through my fingers.
This got me into some deep thinking and soul searching. Made me think about the people I know and to my surprise, I was playing favorites with some of them. The painful part is that I discovered they do not deserve the “whole thing” from what I am willing to give.
Then I thought about some other people that I seem to have ignored. Good and lovely people, I have to add. And so I got deeper into this….Why did I do it? What did they do to me?
Oh, the questions! Why? Why? Why?

But do let me go on with the rest of this entry…

Say one day you decide to like those whom you don’t like or ignored… for a change. How do you begin? Where do you begin?

Is it the differences between us such as classes and social status, attitudes, looks, capabilities, education, morals, the resonance of voices, ignorance, taste that one should start with?
Sure, start re-evaluating. Remove that layer and see what’s in there.

We need about 7 seconds to make up our mind if we like or dislike someone. That’s all it takes.
It’s impulsive, but that’s the way we lead ourselves throughout the day, every day.
The instant judgment defines our next feeling and move, and here is where we should start working on.

It’s like we have a “to-like” list already imprinted in our brain and when meeting someone, all we need is a quick “scan and compare”. If the person won’t match the list, then we put the label ”Rejected” on them and that’s that.
We label people every day and damn, we’re good at it but wrong too because we miss out the best when we do that.

The following expression: “The first impression is the most important” is by all means something we should seriously think twice about.
Now, I have to wonder, is the first impression really fair? Does it do justice to someone, knowing that we’ll judge that person within the first 7 seconds? Is 7 seconds enough time to do it? Nope! Not to me.

This is true, you don’t get a second chance to make a first good impression and if this first impression is the most relevant, why not taking our time for it?
We can make the change right here and instead of taking 7 seconds to decide, we should take at least a minute.
To me, it’s this: Make the first impression count, but have the second impression count twice more.
Then, you can proceed to the next step: embrace the differences and appreciate people for what they are. Get to know people and like them even if you think they are not worthy enough at first. They will be later.

See and feel the difference when you do that. Is not like you are taking on an “approval crusade” in the name of “fairness”; it’s just a decent and nice thing to do. Like more than that list you’ve got.

I’ll close this down with my favorite saying:
You are what your deep driving desire is. As your desire is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed. As your deed is, so is your destiny.  [Brihadaranyaka Upanishad (IV.4.5)]

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